I’m the kind of person who follows through with what I say
I’m going to do. I take it very seriously and see keeping your word as a matter
of integrity. However, when it comes to this escargot project, I need to scream
a big fat UNCLE!
I mean, this has gone from mildly gross to straight up
I read a few antique cookbooks, some French, others not. I
also took the advice that some our dear readers (thanks Hank and Terri) left in
the comments section. And I looked at a story about snails previously published
by Sunset. Overall, I felt ready. Definitely more calculated than the last
I purged the snails as before, and when the time came to
take the next step, I had all the ingredients on hand. I had made a gorgeous
compound herb butter and had extra herbs and garlic on hand to make sure it was
a full-flavored success. I even bought a fresh loaf of crusty bread.
Then I dropped the escargot into a pot of lightly salted
This is where I need to inject a disclaimer: If you have an
easy gag reflex or a weak stomach or any form of queasiness at all, stop
reading this post, because it’s about to get nasty.
After about 30 seconds, the flesh of the snails started to
turn green. I’m talking green like a bad sinus infection. The water turned
green, everything turned green. And as if that isn’t gross enough, I waited
another minute or so and started to spoon them out of the water only to have
them dripping slime.
Horrifying. And you want me to put it in my mouth?
Then I transferred them to a plate and the green slime keep
I tried to go to the next step. Really I tried. I even got
out a toothpick to pluck their green slimed bodies out of the shells. But the
shells kept crushing and then hot green slimy guts, or whatever they were, just
poured out onto my fingers. How am I supposed to “re-stuff” the shells if they
That’s when I called it quits. Done. No mas. Nada. Not on
your life under any circumstances.
Now, I need to just clarify something about myself at this
point. I am not exactly a pansy when it comes to icky business or gross animal
parts. My father and most members of my family are avid hunters and anglers. So
as a child, being around the slaughter and processing of various animals was
quite normal for me. In fact, I consider myself a damn fine butcher if I do say
Need someone to gut, skin, and breakdown a fresh deer, give
me a call. Got a cooler full of day-old sea urchins that need to have their
stomachs emptied and scraped? I’m your girl. No problem.
But this whole snail business? The French can have it.